I have been imagining the moments of going through the last edits of my first novel for years now. In my imagination, I could see myself staring at the woods behind my window with a “satisfying feeling of fullness,” as one of my friends once described it for me.
I could see myself leaning back on the chair, as I was looking at the woods, and putting my legs up on the desk. Perhaps sighing, or maybe saying, yes!
Sometimes, in the most intimate moments, I could actually see the sky above the roof of my house split open and I could hear clearly audible words of praise from the One who cannot be seen.
I have imagined that in the moment of completion I would feel that my novel was mature, perfectly ripened and ready to be released into the world with the most powerful message one could ever imagine!
Finally, the moment came, and for the past month I have been editing my first novel for the last time, with anticipation of what will happen when the last period sees the light of my page.
Last Friday, July 9th, I have put the last period down and nothing happened.
I feel empty. I feel my novel is as open as it has always been. I would like to re-write the 307 pages all over again. The voice in my head screams, I know how to do it now! And I don’t know how to let go of it.
I feel as if I had been pregnant for years. Even though I tried desperately to find someone who could answer my questions, there was no one to tell me anything, even my due date. I got to know the baby I was carrying very well and I couldn’t wait for it to see the light of the day.
And when the baby was finally born, it left for college the same day.
I have so much still to tell you, I scream at night, longing for something that perhaps has never been mine anyway.
I found when I finished my novel I was just a horse at the starting gait of the race. Now the book has taken on a life of its own and I’m just along for the ride.
Dr. B
Dr. B,
I am afraid that you have described it well.
It’s very difficult for me to accept that I can’t change anything anymore. All gone now!
“Along for the ride” sounds exciting and scary at the same time … I sense roller-coaster and I don’t like roller-coasters!
Danuta – you will have a chance to talk about the book during the press tour! Just wait until people have a chance to read it – I can’t wait!!! When will it be available for purchase?
Pamela
Pamela,
It will be released in November.
Thank you!
Danuta,
Good luck with your book, you have worked hard for it and I am sure it will be a huge success.
Khaled